It’s that time of year again.

School shoes are in the shops, you see the parents in the supermarkets with their children - lunchboxes are being bought and social media is starting to fill with photographs of children heading off for their first day of a new school year.

For many families, it’s an exciting time. There might be nerves, pride, excitement and all the usual chaos that comes with getting everyone out of the door on time.

But for some, this time of year can bring up something very different.

If you’ve experienced pregnancy or baby loss, you’re navigating infertility or fertility treatment, or you’re still waiting for the family you’d hoped for, those back-to-school posts can sometimes hit harder than you expected.

Sometimes a photograph can bring a feeling with it that you weren't prepared for.

Sometimes it’s a reminder of a child you lost.

Sometimes it’s a reminder of the child you hoped would be here.

And sometimes it’s the realisation that you thought your life would look very different by now.

“They would have been starting school this year.”

Grief doesn't always arrive when we expect it to.

There might be dates and anniversaries you know will be difficult, but there's also those everyday moments that catch you completely off guard.

Seeing a child the age your baby would have been.

Hearing someone talk about their child starting school.

Seeing those first-day photographs.

Walking past the school gates.

Even conversations about uniforms, school routines or after-school clubs can unexpectedly bring something up.

You might find yourself thinking about how old your baby would be now, wondering what they might have looked like or what kind of child they might have become.

Or you might simply feel a sadness that’s difficult to explain.

You don't always need to know exactly why something hurts for it to hurt.

When everyone else's life seems to be moving forward

For those experiencing infertility or going through fertility treatment, the start of a new school year can bring a different kind of pain.

Maybe you've spent months or years trying to conceive. Perhaps you've been through fertility tests, treatment or IVF. Maybe you've experienced miscarriage or pregnancy loss along the way.

And now another year has arrived.

Another school year.

Another reminder of time passing.

It can bring thoughts like:

“I thought I'd have a child this age.”

“Where did I think I'd be by now?”

“Why does it feel like everyone else is moving forward?”

“What if it doesn't happen for me?”

Fertility journeys can carry so much uncertainty. There can be hope alongside fear, excitement alongside anxiety, and moments when you feel like you're coping, followed by something completely unexpected that knocks you sideways again.

And then there’s social media...

At this time of year, it can feel like the photographs are everywhere.

First day at nursery.

First day at school.

First day of secondary school.

Proud parents standing beside their children.

It can feel like everyone else's lives are moving through these milestones while you're standing somewhere outside of them.

And this can bring up some incredibly complicated feelings.

You might genuinely feel happy for someone you love while also feeling heartbroken for yourself.

You might be pleased to see a friend's child growing up but still find the photograph painful to look at.

You might feel sadness, anger, jealousy, guilt, resentment or longing - sometimes all within the same few minutes.

Having those feelings doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean you aren't happy for someone else.

Sometimes two things can be true at the same time.

You can love someone else's child and still grieve the child you lost. You can be pleased for a friend and still wish their story was your story. You can want to support the people around you while also needing to protect yourself from things that feel painful.

You're allowed to step back

There can be a lot of pressure to keep scrolling, keep showing up and keep participating.

But you don't have to.

You're allowed to mute someone's posts for a while.

You're allowed to take a break from social media.

You're allowed to leave a conversation that feels too much.

You're allowed to say, “I'm finding this difficult at the moment.”

Looking after yourself isn't about avoiding everything difficult forever. Sometimes it's simply recognising that something feels particularly tender right now and giving yourself a little more care.

What might be underneath the feeling?

If you notice this time of year is affecting you more than you expected, it might be worth gently asking yourself:

What is this bringing up for me?

What am I grieving?

Is this about what has happened, what I hoped would happen, or what I’m worried might happen in the future?

What do I need right now?

You might not have an immediate answer, and that's okay.

There’s no right way to feel after pregnancy or baby loss, during infertility or while going through fertility treatment.

You might feel angry, numb, hopeful, jealous, sad or completely fine one day and overwhelmed the next.

You don't have to judge those feelings or try to make them disappear.

If the start of the school year has brought something up for you, it doesn't mean you're going backwards.

It might simply mean something has touched a part of your experience that still matters.

And you're allowed to acknowledge that.

Be gentle with yourself, and if you need to talk it through, you'd be very welcome to get in touch.